Tag: acknowledgment

Only Counting Up from Here

3/24/18 was a beautiful day for a wedding.

His Vows: (the ones that were beautiful and inspiring from the moment he wrote them)

I vow to listen carefully to what you say and honor your silence,

to keep your dreams alive and our love aflame,

to keep your treasures safe and time appreciated.

I vow to hold you through nightmares and tragic days,

to rub your feet and pull your hair.

I vow to remember that being kind is more important than being right,

to clean when you cook and fold when you wash,

to take you to concerts and movies I don’t necessarily like.

I vow to play scrabble and binge Netflix.

I vow resilience and fortitude even when no one is watching.

I vow sincerity, hope and humor.

I vow to guide our children by example,

to strengthen and defend their hearts and minds

to offer freedom to make their lives an adventure.

My Vows: (the ones that took some time and a few drafts and ultimately were finished the night before the big day in the wee hours.)

I vow to listen with patience and respond with kindness,

to care for you when you’re sick and impossible,

to have the conversation even when it’s hard.

I vow to make fires to warm us when it’s cold,

to cook for you as long as you dance with me in the kitchen.

I vow to drive to destinations near and far as long as you sing along with me,

to save our money and invest in adventure.

I vow to laugh at your jokes even when no one else does,

to be your big spoon when you’re little and little spoon when you’re big.

I vow to lead in times of need and follow when your heart is sure.

Do you, Jay, come here today of your own free will, to promise to support Mandy in all that she does? Through happy and sad, good diets and bad, dislocated shoulders and daughterly disputes? And to consider her as part of yourself in all that you think and all that you do?

Do you, Mandy, come here to day of your own free will, promise to have Jay’s back where ever life leads him? Through sickness and health, sunlit beaches and darkened alleys, dive bars and dragon-cons? And to consider him as part of yourself in all that you think and all that you do?

And do all of us promise to welcome the marriage of Mandy and Jay into our own lives, individually and as a community, through bliss and sorrow, turmoil and calm, backyard barbecues and late night dance parties for as long as they both so wish?

BOOM!!!! And then we walked into the forest together– and eventually wound up here!

It’s official. There’s no turning back now. This man married me, and I married him. No more days left to count down– only counting up from here.

Here’s to day number one.

THIS IS HAPPENING

It was a full one. I began the day just like any other day– had three really amazing sessions, one Pilates, two energy work. Then I moved into three-days-before-my-wedding-day mode. The time-warp happened again. Leaving the studio I had exactly a half an hour before needing to pick up my maid of honor from school to take her to her dress fitting– exactly enough time to go by this super sweet shop a few blocks from my house and buy some wedding gifts.

Time opened up for me just as it had done the day before. I spent what felt like a huge amount of time pouring over all the different jewelry and sundries in the shop and made two perfect selections, one for my maid of honor the other for the flower girl’s mother and a dear friend of mine. I left without stressing about the time and picked up my little lady. We headed to the shop and she donned her newly-altered dress which now fit her like a glove. It was the first time I’ve ever seen her wearing something that fit her so well. She seemed to age five years in two seconds. She looked beautiful.

Dress procured, we moved on to a few more random wedding errands and arrived home about an hour later to surprise visitors, my soon to be in-laws. I don’t think I hid the shock well– immediately thinking of the catastrophe that is our house and the fact that they were inside of it– but no time to dwell on that fact. It was great to see them and they both seemed to easily grasp my getting-married-in-three-days-with-a-ton-of-stuff-to-do state and didn’t stay long. To be clear– there was a communication breakdown somewhere between me and my partner around their arrival. It’s as if the two of us have some massive life event happening in JUST THREE DAYS…

I moved on to my continued mission of cooking meat for the taco bar, and sent my partner off to get needed taco-cooking supplies. About a half an hour later the arrivals continued as his brother walked into our chaos with the supplies I had requested. I greeted him with a hug and they left me to my mission(s). I tasked my maid of honor with preparing our den for the arrival of my best friend and nephew. (She did a bang-up job). I CONTINUED TO COOK. (Making large quantities of mango salsa is labor intensive.)

Around 8 pm, still cooking and listening to love songs in the kitchen by myself, I started to feel like the one thing that was missing in my wedding frenzy was my MAN. I texted him to let him know that– and he and his brother arrived home shortly thereafter.

At 9 pm I left the house, accompanied by my man-child and our best man, ready to experience the long-anticipated arrival of my best friend. On the drive to the airport we talked about his girlfriend and the fact that he wouldn’t see her for five days (she’s headed out of town early in the morning), his friends and my relationship to them, and my wedding stress– among other things. It was nice to have the time to just settle in with my boy– those times are few and far between these days. Circling the airport several times, finally we spotted her and her sweet boy waiting on the sidewalk. She got teary later when she recounted him getting out of the car to greet her and give her a hug. He’s her first baby too.

Our guests arrived hungry– so we did another successful taco tasting around 10pm, the whole family cramming into the tiny little living room amongst the wedding detritus. It was a sweet scene, my son sat down saying “well, it’s nice to have you guys here,” and my partner echoed his sentiments, “so this is the crew for the next few days.” Family. Slowly everyone filtered away. The boys went downstairs, my daughter adjourned to her room. The three of us, me and my two soul-people hung out on our massive king size bed, giggling and recounting stories. Heavenly.

My best friend began feeling the three hour time difference and shuffled off to bed with her boy. My man kept me company in the kitchen as I continued cooking our wedding feast, love songs blasting, new wedding vows running through my head– begging to be written. Love poured into the food I was cooking, just as I imagined. I thought of all the people gathering in just a few short days to celebrate with us. We danced and sang into the wee hours– filling the kitchen with the acknowledgement of our love.

THIS IS HAPPENING.

So many orbits are intersecting at this junction. The vision I had back in the Fall of our wedding is beginning to take shape. All of the love that surrounds us is coalescing into our space. We are gathering it all up and bringing it together in acknowledgement and support of our union. This sacred bond that grew out of consistency over a period of time is asking to be honored and acknowledged– and we are obliging.

Just THREE days and counting…

It’s getting REAL.

Wherever We Happen to Be…

I’m going to acknowledge right now that these posts are becoming increasingly difficult to do– particularly as I seem to be leaving them to later and later in the day– as the days grow increasingly more full of life and other wedding-planning sundries.

We’re down to six days before our nuptials and I find myself just this very moment beginning to allow the “indoor ceremony contingency plan” to take shape in my head. (Particularly given that all weather reports point towards RAIN, RAIN and potentially a little more RAIN). My partner mentioned the indoor contingency plan last night and while on the outside I agreed with him that “yes, good idea, we need to figure that out…” on the inside I screamed “NO!! this wedding is happening OUTSIDE in the FOREST!!”

Hey, I’m just impressed I kept that scream under wraps.

Just now I closed my eyes and had a vision of the indoor ceremony and actually got really excited. (Phew)

Until just a few moments ago I hadn’t really been allowing my brain to take too much time with thoughts like those– because that forest calls me like nothing else– and I do hope beyond all reason that we walk out of it together on 3/24/18 as husband and wife. HOWEVER, there is a very real possibility that things may happen differently. If mother nature in all of her infinite wisdom should have other plans for that beautiful day at 2 pm, for instance: an unrelenting torrential downpour, then at least imagining the beauty of another possibility is a comfort for my mind.

When I closed my eyes a few moments ago and connected to it I saw candles and flowers everywhere around the space where our reception is taking place. It’s a building that sits right on the Salmon river, several hundred feet away from where the Pacific Ocean meets it. There are windows from floor to ceiling on three sides of the building, and a huge fireplace right in the center of the room. If rain is falling torrentially at 2 pm on 3/24/18, you better believe there will be a fire roaring in that fire place– and I will be ceremoniously burning SOMETHING in it. (What that something might be is TBD– but I have a few ideas…)

In addition to a roaring fire and candles lighting the space I also saw all of our people in a circle surrounding us, just as they will be if the rain decides to be just normal Oregon Springtime rain and dampen us a bit in the woods. I can see their sweet, lovely, smiling faces and most importantly feel the love that surrounds us. And it’s that love that really makes this whole thing what it is. It is the ceremony and the intention behind it that create the magic that will envelope all of us on that special day. And regardless of the space that surrounds us– our intentions are clear and we are ready to be ceremonious about them. Wherever we happen to be…

Somehow, as I begin to allow this indoor ceremony to take shape in my head and acknowledge the very real possibility of it I love it more and more as the perfect metaphor for our relationship. We are pretty awesome and well-practiced at handling adversity together. There have been situations (a month ago when we went to the beach to iron out our wedding plans, for instance) when we have been hit with one ridiculous situation after another and somehow we manage to keep ourselves and each other smiling. Somehow we continue to move forward even when everything seems to be pushing us back. We are kind and considerate of one another. We don’t blame each other for things beyond our control. We don’t turn on each other when things become difficult.

We LEAN IN. And together we become stronger.

In six days, no matter where I marry that man it will be absolutely perfect. Because I’m marrying that man.

Finally.

 

Together we PACK A PUNCH

“Mom, you’ve got a week! You need to run while you can!” are the words that just came out of my darling daughter’s mouth. This is the running joke in the last week or so in our house. Last night at the dinner table it was, “mom, are you sure you wanna go through with this?” My little eleven year old girl has been waiting for this wedding for a long time– and she’s just as excited as I am– if not more, but without the stress and exhaustion that has become my current status quo.

Today was a beautiful day. It started with a pot of coffee and an early morning trip to get our marriage license. There’s something magical in these days leading up to this monumental acknowledgement. I don’t know what I expected to experience, but it wasn’t this. I think I figured that perhaps since I had already moved through these marriage motions, that I would be above feeling the anticipation and excitement. I’m not. I’m right in the thick of the wonderment– and it’s bigger than anything I’ve ever experienced before.

We arrived at the big brick official county building not even a half a mile from our house at just past 8:30. I began snapping pictures randomly the moment we stepped up to the building. We waited for less than a minute and then were called up to window 7. The friendly and shy gentleman who greeted us behind window 7 was named Bill. We both handed over our passports and a whopping $60 cash, the whole thing feeling honestly a bit surreal– all of these people going about their daily routines, us paving the way for our monumentous event. I said to my partner, “there’s no going back now,” echoing our daughter’s jocular jabs. Bill took all of the papers and put them into a manila envelope that he handed to my partner. The entire transaction took less than fifteen minutes. “Who’s got the leverage now?” my partner joked, waving the envelope as we walked out of the building. We brought the license home and placed it on an altar by our front door that is for our family. Perfect.

Getting married is a big deal. The acknowledgment of this partnership to the world is IMPORTANT. This wedding, while it may be stress inducing, is something over which we have complete ownership. Every piece of this puzzle has been painstakingly crafted and put together with care. There is intention and love in every nook and cranny. We are getting married because while we are powerful human beings separately, together we PACK A PUNCH.