There’s a Bird in Here!

We’re 26 days into this whole marriage thing, and I’d say (from my perspective anyway) so far so good.

A bird flew into our home two evenings ago– right through our wide-open front door. We were in our kitchen, making dinner in the midst of a conversation that at the time seemed important but since has escaped me. (that’s not to say that it wasn’t important– just to say that things often escape me.) Both our front and back doors were open, as the evening was beautiful. I said to my husband “there’s a bird in here!” as it landed onto some bird-friendly surface high in our kitchen. He had missed the bird’s entrance and thought I was speaking metaphorically– he looked at me perplexed until the bird flew across the kitchen fluttering close to his head. (As he recounted it later, he used sound effects, rolling his tongue to mimick the sound of the flapping wings in close proximity to his ears).

Immediately he flew into crisis management mode– directing me to keep the cat out of the kitchen as he began trying to “catch” the bird (who flew to a new space each time he neared it). I went with the cat to have a conversation with her and let her know that birds are OUTSIDE toys while my husband continued to chase the bird. I’m just gonna say this for those of you who may not know– birds are HARD to catch. I closed the cat in another part of the house and went back into the kitchen to lend assistance and was immediately shooed away. I went back to keep the cat company behind a closed door.

I stood behind the door listening to my husband in the other room following the bird around and seemingly just missing each time he came near it. I imagined his big, strong hands, and the tiny bird one one hundredth of his size. I felt the terror of the tiny feathered creature, and I called out to him: “baby? can I help?” Instinctively he answered “no! stay where you are!” and then after a beat replied more thoughtfully, “well, sure.”

I opened the door and went into the living room where the bird had most recently landed– it was in a tiny little nook desperately trying to escape and hide. I started talking to the sweet winged creature. My husband stood in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room watching us. I let the bird know that it was okay to be scared– and agreed with it that our house was a really strange place to land. As I talked to it I cleared a little space around it and reached down and stroked its tiny body. It flew up and careened over to another part of our living room. I followed it again continuing to talk to it. I let it know it was safe and gently cupped my hands around it and picked it up. It’s tiny little head poked out between my thumbs. I felt its relief at being held and captive. I brought it to our rhododendron bush just outside our front door and opened my hands. It quickly fluttered away and out into the Portland evening.

I came back into the house and my husband smiled at me and gave me a high five. We reflected on our awesome teamwork. There was an assumed default of roles that we moved into when the bird flew into our house– and we quickly realized without conflict or chaos that we were ill-suited for those assumed roles. He began making fun of himself chasing after the bird and we both had a good laugh at our own expense.

I don’t know why that tiny winged creature flew into our home on Tuesday evening. Birds are considered by some to be a symbol of freedom and perspective. They are said to be a “messenger of the Gods” because they have the ability to move between the earth and the heavens. Science has proven that birds can see and feel magnetic fields, maybe our house has a particularly strong one. I don’t know the reason for our unexpected visitor, but I appreciate the perspective the tiny creature allowed us.

Our winged visitor was incredibly affirming of our partnership and our ability to be fluid with our roles in any situation. My husband’s immediate impulse to “defend” our home was perfect– as was mine– upon reflection to re-direct and help the tiny creature. He didn’t get mad at me for “stealing his thunder” and helping the bird, nor did I take it personally that his immediate reaction was to shoo me away and “handle the situation.” Had the bird been vicious and attacking (and you just never know) he would have been the man for the job. As it was, it was confused and scared and happy for a calming, friendly voice.

A bird in the house is not some huge test of our relationship but rather a lovely analogy for who we are and how we exist in our space together. As we move forward in our life as a married couple we are beginning to flesh out what our home is in this new paradigm. There is no doubt that we are greater than the sum of our parts. As we sift through the chaos of the wedding and build our space anew we allow an order and structure to unfold that did not exist before. Our partnership is in and of itself an entity more powerful than we are capable of imagining– with a magnetic force so strong it draws in tiny flying creatures.

My international man of mystery

My partner and I just completed a meeting with our friend who is marrying us, discussing details of our rapidly approaching wedding ceremony. When I began having visions of our wedding back in the Fall, there were a couple of things that were crystal clear about it. The first was that it would take place on 3/24/18– five years after our first date. The second was that our dear friend who introduced us would be the one who married us, because in my partner’s words: “this is all his fault.”

I first met my soon-to-be husband six years ago on a random day in February. I was at my studio around midday. I wasn’t in a session, but sitting at the front desk, when the studio door opened and in walked my friend with a handsome and mysterious stranger. The stranger had a blue bandana on his head and a scruffy face. The second he stepped into my space my eyes were riveted to him– and alarm bells in my head began sounding loudly. My friend sauntered in casually, stranger in tow, as if midday stop-ins were something he did all the time. (In actuality he had never before stopped by my studio unannounced). He introduced the stranger, giving absolutely no context for who he was or what he was doing there.

We stood in the entrance to my studio talking for several minutes. To be honest I have absolutely no idea how much time passed– it could have been five minutes, it could have been forty five. All I know is that I was singularly focused on this human being who had just walked into my sphere from out of nowhere with absolutely no warning. And he was having a profound affect on my entire nervous system. I found myself talking to my friend about I-have-no-idea-what while Mr. Mysterious talked to my friend and colleague who was also in the the studio at the time. I was aware of the tenor of his voice as it rose and fell in conversation and I felt literally drawn magnetically towards him. It was all I could do to resist the force of the attraction, and I’m still unclear on how I was able to maintain a conversation. The details are blurry, the gestalt is what is crystal clear.

At some point conversations wrapped up and my friend and Mystery man left the building. I IMMEDIATELY texted my friend: “Who IS he?” (As in, give me some context for this handsome stranger, please.) His response was “He’s an international man of mystery.” EYE ROLL. Really??

That evening I decided that we needed to take some of my daughter’s dresses over to my friend’s new baby– Mr. Mystery’s god-daughter and the reason for his visit. I was determined that I would see this beautiful, magnetic man as much as possible in the indeterminate amount of time that he was in our fair city. I packed up a bunch of baby clothes and my two children, who were 5 and 9 at the time and headed over to our friend’s house for a “casual drop in” just like the one my friend had staged earlier. (Again, this “drop in” was unprecedented.) I soaked up as much as I could of Mr. handsome while my children ran wild around my friends’ living room– a joyful representation of what these new parents had to look forward to.

I managed to see Mr. International again the next night at a party. (I completely arranged this– it was not random.) This was probably more social interaction than I had had in months– I was a single mom and a complete introvert. It was during the party that I casually arranged for us to do a bodywork trade while he was in Portland. BOOM.

I worked on him first. Putting my hands on his body was intense. He was completely stalwart throughout the session– saying next to nothing and maintaining complete external composure. But I felt his internal energetic monologue and it was far from composed. There was a storm brewing just beneath the surface of this mysterious man which despite his best efforts he could not hide from me. I made him a flower essence at the end of the session, sitting right next to the table and again I felt his gravitational pull tugging on me. I wanted to settle into him. (I realized this was inappropriate and resisted). He worked on me the next day. His hands were firm and strong and somehow familiar. I fell into an ease with him that was unlike anything I had experienced before.

We talked a bit about his plans and where he was headed next– ultimately back to Thailand. And then he was gone. We exchanged emails a couple of times over the next year and chatted over the computer. I read his blog and was immediately turned off by the grammatical and spelling errors. (curse of an English major). And then a year later I received an e-mail that he had moved into town and he wondered if I wanted to start up a bodywork trade.

ALARM BELLS!!!!!!!!!!!!

When he first reached out to me I was in the midst of a long-distance whirlwind romance with an old flame from high school. I remember thinking– what? now? Mr. Mystery? “WHY ARE YOU TOYING WITH ME UNIVERSE??” And then my old flame abruptly ended our long distance affair. I saw Mr. Handsome for a couple of trades and then decided what the hell and asked him out on a date. My kids were away for Spring break in California with their dad– and I realized I had nothing to lose.

On 3/24/13 Mr. Mystery and I hit the town and painted it red. The days and weeks and years to follow have been a consistent process of building and strengthening a massive foundation of trust, friendship and love. He did not walk easily down this path in the beginning– for years he fought me– but some things are worth fighting for. “Consistency over a period of time” is how he first defined love for me– and that’s how we have ultimately defined this relationship. It is consistent and it continues to stand the test of time. Whatever comes our way I know he’s got my back as no one else ever has or will.

15 days from now I’m marrying an International Man of Mystery…

And I can hardly wait.